How do I talk to my teenager about suicide?

One of the issues that arise in discussions with parents about youth mental health is: “how do I talk to my teenager about suicide?" This is most often in the context of a media report about a youth suicide or a community or school experience of youth suicide. There is no “right” way to discuss this issue but there are some useful guideposts.

Be prepared to chat if your teen brings it up but do not be surprised if that does not happen. If you have concerns that your teen may want to discuss this you can address the issue in a gentle and “just putting it out there” manner. Saying something such as: “I was reading in the paper about the young person who recently died. Sounds like a tragic situation” can be an ice-breaker. Then if your teen is interested, they have an opportunity to discuss it with you. Sometimes they will be interested and sometimes they will not be interested. Or, they may bring it up at a later time, when they are ready.

If, however, you or your teen knows the person who had died, then this discussion should be explicit. This is now not an issue of “talking” to your teen, but an issue of grieving while at the same time acknowledging that death was by suicide. There can be a tendency to both avoid the issue of suicide or to over-focus on the issue of suicide. Try not to do either. 

Sometimes both you and your teen may need more support than usual (such as family and friends or religious communities). If this is the case, you can seek out services that are available through your local community health center or mental health care providers. A useful resource is the booklet “Have you lost someone to suicide?” which is available on this website here.

If you are concerned that your teen is having a mental health problem or may be depressed, it is a good idea when you are discussing this to bring the issue closer to home. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that depression or a mental health problem increases risk for suicide and making that knowledge part of what you monitor when your teen is not feeling well. If you have diabetes you monitor your blood sugar and your diet. If you have depression you monitor your mood and thoughts about suicide.

-Stan